Feedback is your secret weapon for rapid self-development: Part 2, How to Get Lots of Feedback
From part 1, you know that feedback is critical to becoming your best self, and that most of us have an aversion to receiving constructive feedback, likely taught to us in childhood.
The first step to overcoming this aversion is to just pay attention to yourself. Sense your aversion to asking for feedback, or a certain amount of defensiveness in yourself when either getting it or thinking about asking for it. Once you notice this, remember it was trained into you by school and members of higher authority. Identify ways that feedback has helped you improve, and what power the data from feedback represents for you.
The second step is to let go of judging the feedback (or yourself) when you do receive feedback. You don’t need to agree with all (or even any) of the conclusions drawn by the person giving you feedback. Feedback is a perspective to consider. It’s the impression you left with the person, and their story about it – all that is true, and it’s data you can use as you consider what to update about yourself. Your job is not to do what everyone tells you they think you should do, or do what you think will make them all happy–nor is it to defend and debate to get them to agree with your own perspective. Get the data.
Once you learn to accept feedback of all kinds with gratitude, you’ll find that you're less defensive, and you’ll likely be seeking it out, wondering how to get more!
How To Get More Feedback
Feedback comes in two types, and you want both:
Constructive feedback: this is feedback that tells you that you could do something differently or better next time (sometimes called “negative” or “critical” feedback)
Reinforcing feedback: this is the feedback that tells you that you should do more of something you’re doing, or keep doing it the same way (also called “positive” feedback)
Both teach you a lot about yourself. You can ask for both, specifically, to make sure you’re getting both.
The most important step in getting more feedback is to ask for it, with a few structural tips:
Be specific about what you want feedback for
Ask ahead of time (before an event) so they know what to look for
Thank them for giving it to you
Don’t spend time defending or explaining–this will discourage them from giving you more feedback
If needed, ask for clarification
After asking, the best way to get more feedback is to give great feedback. This helps you form a relationship with a friend, peer or mentor where you both have each other's improvement at the centre of focus.
It’s important to remember the following when learning to give great feedback:
Ask the person you’re going to give feedback to if they want it first
Be specific: share what you think they should keep doing, or do differently–or even just what you liked or didn’t like
Be direct; no sugarcoating, dancing around, or over-explaining
Cover one topic at a time, and allow the recipient to ask questions and understand the feedback more
Get to the point
Your feedback won’t be perfect–and others’ for you won’t, either. Perfection is far from required for everyone to get value out of the experience. Keep practising, reflect on how you give and receive feedback, and adjust a bit at a time.
